My fight with fibro

Where do I start.... I was diagnosed a few years ago with osteo arthritis,had several surgeries on my spine& knee....managed to learn to cope ...had to move to Manchester in 2006(had lived in London for 18 years) to live closer to my family,for support and help(have 2 gorgeous boys now 19&15) my husband still works in London(2 weeks on 1 week off) so the support and help from my family is both appreciated and needed,don't know what i'd do without them!! I was then diagnosed with R.Arthritis closely followed by Fibromyalgia!!! It was then that my journey started...doc appointments,medication(so much that I rattle when I walk) trips to A&E knee drains(crutches for 6 weeks at a time ) My whole life had changed,I had a fab job,lovely house,kids that I was proud of,that I did everything with!! I now have no job(am officially retired pffft) still boys to be proud of!! But I have changed,my body has changed and it makes me so mad,sad,frustrated and the worst feeling of all is the GUILT!! That I can't do the things I once did,that we can plan something and look forward to it but if mums"not well" we can't do! Believe me this happens a lot,I never know how I'll feel from one day to the next!! I yearn for the woman I was but by god I'm trying to embrace the woman I am!! Today I'm so tired,sore I ache all over but on Saturday I looked fab,had energy? Chronic illness is so cruel in that your body decides "what will be done today" I WANT to decide that!!! I cannot type anymore as my wrist won't hold my phone anymore,I am still me....only just xx