A Child's Love

We all need things to make us Smile.......
This conversation made me smile and my heart burst with pride.....

For the last few weeks I've been really ill....Things have slipped a little ..... Washing,Ironing,take away for tea....me in bed etc etc....We all know that feeling of guilt that things haven't been quite the way they should be so I had the following conversation with my boys.......

Me. I'm so sorry boys for the way things have been the last few weeks.....

My Boys. What are you on about?

Me.You know things have slipped a bit,washing, ironing,take away's etc.......

My Boys. Mum it's ok we're not bothered,you can't help it if you're ill,you're more bothered than us.....

Me. Thankyou guys,I feel so guilty that I'm not looking after you two....

My Boys. Mum if we could swap bodies with you for just a couple of days we would......We love you

I thought I should also mention that my eldest son would cut off his left arm ( he said he needs his right one for work ) if it meant I was Pain free......

I love my boys with all my heart and I'm so proud of them.

Even in my darkest days they make me smile

Take It Easy Jo xx


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The Serenity Prayer......

The last few days have been the worst I've ever experienced so far..... I hurt from my throbbing,foggy filled head to my achey,numb feet.....And everywhere in-between .......

I am so exhausted the thought of getting dressed is akin to climbing Mount Everest in my PJ's....

I feel like I'm drowning and trying to work out is this the aftermath of Pneumonia or a flare up of my other nemisis's.....Whatever it is it's whipping my butt!!

I phoned my Doc to try and get an appointment,or some results from the tests for the pneumonia I've had twice in less than 6 months!,I was told curtly the letter was sent to infectious diseases no reply yet! And can I phone back Monday to speak to a triage nurse who will decide IF I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR!! WTF I wanted to scream at her "No love I will decide if I need to see a doctor"!!! It's utter madness,I feel at this moment in time I would do anything to rid myself of this horrendous pain!! But I will soldier on,say yeah I'm fine,when inside I'm drowning. I spoke well Twittered,with a fantastic lady yesterday who helped me more than she'll ever know ( am I the only one that finds the support,advice and understanding I so need from an outside source,my family try so hard but I think you can only really understand if you've lived it?) she told me to go with it,accept it is what it is,don't be so hard on yourself and demand better care from your doctor ( the latter better watch out,I'm going in armed with a list!!) she also said treat yourself as you would a friend who was so ill.....And do you know what...She's so right....I will try and take each day for what it is and count my blessings Here is something else she sent me,that I have said several times today....
God grant me the serenity,to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference........
Thank God For Twitter Take it easy Jo xoxo


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Manchester

1 step forward 3 steps back!!

Today is not a great day....was starting to feel better with the antibiotics&steroids.....didn't last long....no news from the docs....nothing new!! So hot and exhausted with it all....Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.....anyone got a torch I can borrow .....?xx

To Smoke.....Or Not To Smoke......?

Well I decided today is the day to give up my one and only vice.... Since I've been ill with this pneumonia bug I've cut my smoking down a lot...I was so frightened when I lay down to sleep ( it felt like a weight on my chest) that I found myself sleeping less&less! Not good as I am so exhausted fighting all the other things waging war on my body!! I've finished my steroids( yuk,yuk&yuk!) and have 4 days of antibiotics left( yuk,yuk,yuk & yuk) So I'm hoping that each day that goes by I feel better&better . No news from the docs( no surprise either) can only hope that's good news? My OH had to go back to work in London( I'm in Manchester) and I feel so alone at the moment,I spend a lot of time in bed ( lots of rest helps to rid this bug!?) and I seem to journey to the bathroom,kitchen then back to bed! But even this makes me tired ? Good job we live in a bungalow. The boys are at school and work and Spots is flat out on the sofa! So quiet :-( I don't know if I can cope with the guilt I feel ,I know there's times when "mums not well" but this is different,I can't remember the last time I got ready....I take 1 step forward 3 steps back.... Apparently with pneumonia this is "Normal" as it really wipes your body out? I just hope that I start to feel "better" and try and get back to "normal". I am so very lucky in a lot of ways and I'm trying to count my blessings,but sometimes it's hard...... Until next time,Take It Easy...Jxx

Go away pneumonia!!

Well another visit to the docs confirms my fears...."the pneumonia bug" that I had in July,that returned in December is back....with a vengeance...my pulse is 120,my temp is high and my recent blood tests show I'm fighting an infection!! My chest x ray is "clear"(which it has been before it was looked at by a consultant!!) but there's crackling on my lung? I asked my doc what's going on? Her answer" I'm not entirely sure" go figure?! Apparently this bug I had never returns so quickly(I'm always so lucky in this area!!) so I'll be passed to infectious diseases to see if they can help? My body is exhausted,I'm mentally drained and so sick and tired of being sick and tired,on the plus side I might just get into those jeans that have eluded me for so long  my fibro etc must feel so sorry for me as they are being pretty good,thank god! I also am very lucky to have an amazing family,don't know what i'd do without them 
Well onwards and upwards and hoping I'll find some answers soon
Take it easy Jo x

My battle with docs!!

Today I feel so ill,exhausted,sore and in pain . Is this my illness's or pneumonia? Back in July I was really I'll,high temperature,lethargy,breathless and a pain in my upper back I went to my doc who thought I had pleurisy,antibiotics followed by more antibiotics& steroids!! I visited my doc on 3 separate occasions and not once did she check my pulse....I then noticed blood spots all over my hands,was seen by another doc who checked me properly my temp was up but worst of all my pulse was 170!! He sent me straight to A&E where after 7 awful days stuck on the emergency admissions ward they discovered I had pneumonia!! It might sound mad but I was glad they had finally found the cause!! The beginning of Dec the same thing,2 lots of antibiotics,chest x ray& bloods,no results yet of course,why rush it's only my life Grrrrr! Still don't feel right but I managed(don't fall down with this news)to get myself an appointment with the doc tomorrow woo hoo!! Let's see how it goes xx

My fight with fibro

Where do I start.... I was diagnosed a few years ago with osteo arthritis,had several surgeries on my spine& knee....managed to learn to cope ...had to move to Manchester in 2006(had lived in London for 18 years) to live closer to my family,for support and help(have 2 gorgeous boys now 19&15) my husband still works in London(2 weeks on 1 week off) so the support and help from my family is both appreciated and needed,don't know what i'd do without them!! I was then diagnosed with R.Arthritis closely followed by Fibromyalgia!!! It was then that my journey started...doc appointments,medication(so much that I rattle when I walk) trips to A&E knee drains(crutches for 6 weeks at a time ) My whole life had changed,I had a fab job,lovely house,kids that I was proud of,that I did everything with!! I now have no job(am officially retired pffft) still boys to be proud of!! But I have changed,my body has changed and it makes me so mad,sad,frustrated and the worst feeling of all is the GUILT!! That I can't do the things I once did,that we can plan something and look forward to it but if mums"not well" we can't do! Believe me this happens a lot,I never know how I'll feel from one day to the next!! I yearn for the woman I was but by god I'm trying to embrace the woman I am!! Today I'm so tired,sore I ache all over but on Saturday I looked fab,had energy? Chronic illness is so cruel in that your body decides "what will be done today" I WANT to decide that!!! I cannot type anymore as my wrist won't hold my phone anymore,I am still me....only just xx